My First Time...

Hello, I really like your page and thought sharing this may help other girls :) I started going out with my boyfriend when I was 14. I wasn't ready to do anything sexual for quite a while as I felt too young, and my boyfriend never ever pressured me to do anything. However, I did feel a lot of pressure from other people, even my closest friends who probably didn't realise they were making me feel pressure (please remember that constantly asking people if they have done stuff can make them feel this way!) This made me quite upset sometimes as I felt that everyone around me was ready. This went on for a couple of years and the pressure continued as people couldn't believe we had been in a relationship this long having sex (we were still very young, and everyone feels ready at different times :))

At 16 I did feel ready, I had talked about everything with my boyfriend and we both felt the same way. However, the first attempt was a disaster- it hurt so much with only a little bit of pressure and it seemed like there was literally a wall stopping penetration. We tried for a while, but it just wasn’t happening. I felt so upset and embarrassed and cried a lot. It felt like we had been building up to this for such a long time and it had all gone wrong. I had never heard of this happening -everyone else seemed to be able to have sex the first time they tried. My friends, in movies, books; everyone else seemed to never have a problem. I was crushed as I felt something was wrong with me and had no clue what to do. My boyfriend reassured me it would be a one-off thing, however this continued for 6 months. Every time we tried it was too painful to go all the way, and it felt like there was something stopping it. I cried almost every day during this time as I felt so alone. I tried looking it up, but people only said it had happened a couple of times, then it was fine. I was terrified that I would need to go to the doctors and see if there was something wrong as it felt so embarrassing. I am so thankful that my boyfriend was so patient and put up with all the tears, as after 6 months we were able to have sex. I am not entirely sure what changed in that time, I think just gradually trying a little bit more pressure each time, but it worked. We were so relieved, and after that it only hurt a little bit before all the pain went away completely.

I have still never told anyone this happened as I feel embarrassed about it and had never heard about it happening to anyone else. I sometimes thought I had imagined how painful it was, until a TV drama I watched recently depicted the exact same thing happening -it hurting so much that they weren’t able to do it for a long time. It made me feel less alone having known this does happen, I only wish I had seen it earlier to know it’s okay. I hope if this has happened to anyone reading that they know it does happen to other girls, and eventually, even if it seems like forever, it will be okay 😊