Am I a Strong Woman?

Am I a strong woman? I don’t feel reliant on anyone around me, I know the value of my own voice and I’m willing to stand up for what I believe in. I think those around me see me as a strong woman. And it’s not difficult to decipher which of my qualities grant me this status: self-reliance, being outspoken and the lack of male presence in my life. By simply not having a boyfriend, I am seen as more powerful. Is it because women are perceived to need men, and so I must not because I don’t currently have one in my life? I am – somehow – able to live my life without depending on a man and therefore I am one, of a few, strong women. Once you enter into a relationship with a man you are seen to become his property and so are no longer self-sufficient. You must take on the subordinate role within your relationship and therefore you cannot be dominant out of your relationship.

I have never heard a man be referred to as a ‘strong man.’ Is that because strength is naturally attributed to manhood? So, when I display ‘masculine’ qualities I earn the right to be called a strong woman – lucky me. To me it is my female features that make me feel strong. Coldness and impassivity come naturally to me, which often makes me appear strong. It is as if I don’t let my emotions get the best of me – not like other women do. But it is these very same features that make me feel so weak. It is almost impossible for me to open up to other people. To express any form of sensitivity takes bravery and I truly feel that being a woman, and being surrounded by so many other women is what allows me to access this courage. Strength is not bottling up everything you feel – what’s difficult about that?

Being a woman is having your emotions define your existence. If I am passionate about something then my arguments lose credibility. Well, I’m angry because I spent every day of my life being spoken down to, because I have to live with fear built inside me and because I am constantly having to absolve the faults of men. I’m furious because I’m trying to tell to you about the hell that comes with being a woman and your only response is to tell me to calm down. Why can’t I be angry and right? In fact, I’m angry because I am right. Being told I’m irrational is perhaps the most infuriating thing I’ve ever been told. What’s irrational is the fact that you think I owe you anything. Just because you can’t understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Feminism is the ideology through which I see the world, and if you feel polarised or, dare I say, threatened by that then I’m afraid you’re part of the problem. Gender is everything. It’s every conversation I have, it’s every time I leave my house, it’s my body as your possession. My reality is you telling me I’m ‘not right in the head’ for not wanting to be with you anymore. My life, is being told that ‘the way I am’ is a result of my absent Father, rather than my present Mother.

That is not to say that feminism is perfect. There is always value in diversifying your perspective. But many men are far too excited at the prospect of finding, what they perceive as, a flaw in feminism. They jump on it, and often not in a supportive or constructive manner. Perhaps, subconsciously, they cannot bare the fact that, for once, their voice isn’t the loudest and the most appreciated. So many men fail to understand that their opinion is given so much more weight than mine. Why is it we need men to further our feminist cause? Why can’t you listen to me?

It’s impossible to strike the perfect balance of objectivity and emotion that will please men. If you’re too emotional, you shouldn’t be part of the conversation. And if you don’t show enough emotion, then are you really a woman at all? Strength is living in a world that is built to suppress you. Strength is achieving the same as a man, but having overcome a hundred other hurdles to get to that point. For me, strength is found in the never-ending fight against the oppressive patriarchy under which we live. That is truly powerful.