Although the name of this book might initially give the impression of an attack on men this is far from the truth. Laura bates, the founder of the everyday sexism project and an inspirational figure of the feminist movement, explores manosphere communities and the pressures of society’s constricting and toxic version of what it means to be a man. The pressures to become a “real” man, to never show emotion, to always be in control can have the same harmful effects as when girls are told that their only worth is through their looks. This is why when we speak of “toxic masculinity” it does not mean “toxic men”, we are describing a system that pressures men to be one way and leave no room for vulnerability. In this book Bates explores male communities that cling to outdated gender stereotypes and spread their belief systems of extreme misogyny.
One of the main groups Bates talks about are, “incels”, a fast-growing community devoted to a violent hatred of women and a group that has murdered and injured one hundred people in the last decade. From online forums promoting rape to mass shootings at female aerobics classes, it is crazy that most people still have never heard of incels. Yet this is not the only prominent misogynistic community influencing men today – the book then mentions ‘pick-up artists’ - an international industry valued at 100 million pounds which offers bootcamps, books and YouTube videos on how to manipulate and trick women into sex. Or the community of men that avoid women at all costs and whose ideology slipped into the ‘Me Too’ movement as a study showed that over a quarter of men in the US refused to have one to one meetings with women due to fake rape accusations - this resulted in a big toll on women’s careers. Not to mention Men’s rights Activists that instead of tackling men’ issues, fundraising and raising awareness of mental health in men or the stigma men feel around reporting abuse, they dedicate their time to attacking women and feminism. The ideology from all these radical communities seep down into mainstream media and into to the hands of vulnerable boys.
The book also explores the impact of trolls, violence against women and how misogyny is so deeply connected to racism, homophobia, and islamophobia. For instance, two teenage boys were arrested for creating propaganda for terrorist attacks, yet what wasn’t mentioned was that they also encouraged rape of white women and the murder of BIPOC women on their blog. She shows evidence of the mainstream media ignoring the misogynistic motivation behind some mass shootings while in the US having 357 times more media coverage on Muslim terrorists than non-Muslims. She questions why white male terrorists are referred to as a “lone wolf” and “mentality ill” while this is never done for non-white terrorists.
To conclude, this is an eye-opening book that reveals the reality of extreme misogyny and how it affects us all. Bates exhibits the huge impact toxic masculinity & the manosphere communities that effectively encourage misogyny are having on teenage boys. She also raises awareness in the last chapter of all the organisations, communities and musicians that are working to redefine masculinity & create a positive image of masculinity.
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